I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
