my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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