i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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