Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
