i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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