if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think i have two assholes
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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