wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
