do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
