Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
