I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
