Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
