I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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