why do cheetos always look like penises
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
