mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
