if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
