Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
