Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
