omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
