he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
