sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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