i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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