Duck Duck Cougar?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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