I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
