Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
