Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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