You're earring is so big in my mouth
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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