I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
