The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
being pregnant is like rehab
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
