I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
