you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
