I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
