I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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