your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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