May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
