I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
