Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
