I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
