Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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