You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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