i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
