I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
never play flip cup with pint glasses
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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