omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
