after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
