That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
