I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
