The maid of honor just puked.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
