My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
