I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
