best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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