Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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