First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
