I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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